roage.free-forum.net

[Ryanon]

Evening Guys

I think I am looking for a bit of help with something that is a thorn in my side and holding me back if you like!

It actually brought it back to mind after reading Nect4r$ post talking about family requirements et al. I seem to be having major problems with the ego in certain situations and although at times winning over my emotions and thoughts at other times I am not and afterwards I am down Sometimes little things for no apparent reason seem to annoy me and cause a reaction of slight anger1 It could be telling of my kids after the continue to misbehave or the other one is my father and uncle have an awful habit of speaking about other members of my family which I feel I get dragged into...afterwards I feel so down! Even having to laugh along at remarks or finding myself joining in when its not the real me

Don't get me wrong, My whole perspective seems to have well and truly shifted and my whole outlook is so much better but its just this last part I feel...the slipping back a little into old ego type and then feeling gutted at it.

Any pointers, tips, ideas and suggestions would be fantastic....Its the only thing I feel is holding me back at this stage!

Ryan

[Seamus]

All i can offer is, speak your truth and be true to yourself. your kids are in your life for a good reason. they wanted to have a dad who would show them how to live a more meaningful life than what is generally available at this time. and surely you need the reminder about where your strength comes from.

if you are so much a man-pleaser that you can't tell your father and uncle point-blank that you don't want to participate in their gossip, then that is indeed going to hold you back. That's one of the ego's favorite tricks. another way to show this would be to gossip to one about the other in their presence. As in, "hey uncle lou, did you ever notice how my dad picks his nose? such a disgusting habit." That would certainly get their attention.

[Gooseone]

Well , the basics are laid out in Roage his site as to what to do.
Furthermore i would suggest when feeling drawn to do your say against family members to just walk away instead of talking.
Realising they are just trying to define themselfs as they see fit might help , in creating an argument you only give them leverage to strengthen their self image.

It might help to know i am finding out a lot of reactions i tend(ed) to have are really conditioned into the physical body , it helps to be able to take distance from them and be amazed by what one's body still does on autopilot ....

[roage]

Well , the basics are laid out in Roage his site as to what to do.
Furthermore i would suggest when feeling drawn to do your say against family members to just walk away instead of talking.
Realising they are just trying to define themselfs as they see fit might help , in creating an argument you only give them leverage to strengthen their self image.

It might help to know i am finding out a lot of reactions i tend(ed) to have are really conditioned into the physical body , it helps to be able to take distance from them and be amazed by what one's body still does on autopilot ....

The key is always a trust issue and our inability to trust comes from fear.

We fear what others think and we fear that we might not be loved by our family so we make that choice. Then we become unhappy with that choice.

I have little contact with my family. Their choice not mine. I am not their emotional punching bag. I am not the reason that they are unhappy and bad things happen. I gave that up. So adamant are they in forceing me in that role that I had to create separation. I love them but I am not prepared to be threatened with violence simply because I express disagreement about what is said.

This is an extreme example. My mother in law is probably the most vile, vindictive, petty, cruel being I have ever encountered. I have received better treatment from every single enemy I have encountered. If you think that is natural for son-in-laws one need only verify with my wife.

I choose this family of narcissists because I learned much overcoming it. I learned to wear the universe like a suit. Now that my wife has transitioned we are on the same page.

Their behavior creates a victim of you. It is a drug more addictive than heroin. That anger creates chemicals that your body craves so ego obliges creating the situation that it needs to generate them.

Realizing that you are doing this is vital to putting an end to it.

It is not they doing it to you. It is you doing it to you. If they matter then they will understand what you are and do. If they don't then they are not important to your ongoing lesson. That can be a difficult thing to trust Ø about.

[ahakeleuthos]

It might help to know i am finding out a lot of reactions i tend(ed) to have are really conditioned into the physical body , it helps to be able to take distance from them and be amazed by what one's body still does on autopilot ....[/quote]

The key is always a trust issue and our inability to trust comes from fear.

We fear what others think and we fear that we might not be loved by our family so we make that choice. Then we become unhappy with that choice.

I have little contact with my family. Their choice not mine. I am not their emotional punching bag. I am not the reason that they are unhappy and bad things happen. I gave that up. So adamant are they in forceing me in that role that I had to create separation. I love them but I am not prepared to be threatened with violence simply because I express disagreement about what is said.

This is an extreme example. My mother in law is probably the most vile, vindictive, petty, cruel being I have ever encountered. I have received better treatment from every single enemy I have encountered. If you think that is natural for son-in-laws one need only verify with my wife.

I choose this family of narcissists because I learned much overcoming it. I learned to wear the universe like a suit. Now that my wife has transitioned we are on the same page.

Their behavior creates a victim of you. It is a drug more addictive than heroin. That anger creates chemicals that your body craves so ego obliges creating the situation that it needs to generate them.

Realizing that you are doing this is vital to putting an end to it.

It is not they doing it to you. It is you doing it to you. If they matter then they will understand what you are and do. If they don't then they are not important to your ongoing lesson. That can be a difficult thing to trust Ø about.[/quote]

Roage and I have had the same experiences as i feel we all have at some point or another. Its all an experiment in growth.
Trusting Ø is paramount in total understanding if the "test" being given. Review previous tests of like and see what becomes apparent.

[Ryanon]

Thanks Guys, you have really helped a lot there...I understand!

The whole problem is within me, my inability to just say no and come from my true self and speak my truth is what is feeding the ego to allow situations such as this to arise. By trying to please others at my expense I am in fact creating a victim of my true self which is resulting in the down feeling afterwards. This is holding me back!

By speaking my truth and not participating in anything that results in feeding the ego and restriction the true self and feelings...I will be able to move forward!

Its funny...after I read your posts I sort of went "Aye, I knew that" So why the heck did it take reading it to realise it hmm

Could be I am not putting enough trust in my true self and Ø

Thank you for this....I have my answer clearly now

[Nect4r$]

Ryanon,
I'd decided I wouldn't be posting much on here until I've went through all the necessary materials on the site and looked through these forums for answers to any questions that may come up for me, but at this time I can share a simple technique I use that may help you also. If taken in the correct context (which is vital I've found -as I've been on the wrong end of it) it can make a profound difference and provide the clarity needed in the moment as well as halting the headpest in its tracks -which as you mentioned is something I'm still dealing with, though in the last week or so have made tremendous strides with silencing it which I attribute to renewed commitment to and Trust in Ø.

Edit: Ok I'd originally put up a lengthy post when it hit me that it would be better to keep this as simlpe as is needed. So excuse the "edit" if anyone else read the lenghtyer version.

Basically all behavior while in ego are directed by one of four primary motivations. These underlying "motivators" or "programmes" that sustain the egos behavior and can be easily traced. These are, Wanting Approval (including acceptance or attention); Wanting Control(also change or "figuring things out"); Wanting Security(or to feel Safe and Survive) and Wanting to be Separate. All that’s really needed, is that when a situation comes up that’s uncomfortable is to look at it honestly with a willingness to know "What is the ego motivation behind this?” Once we "see" what it is, we see how ridiculous it is to hold onto it and can decide to drop it as you would a rock. This is just a decision, nothing more.

Once we bcome proficient at it the motivator can be instantly seen and dropping it can even become spontaneous(non-thought, non-verbal) as soon as the "want" is noticed. It’s not so important if you’re not spot on with which "want" it is, as I've found recently that once commitment to the SA or Truth is made, in this type of introspection the Self begins to guide us once we've decided to use it on a regular basis.

As a caveat’, it is vital however to keep in mind that the decision to drop it and the action itself is carried out by virtue of the Self or Ø. If we fall into the trap of thinking "we" done it, it can automatically pull us back into a state of "Pride" thereby strengthening and resurrecting the ego as a "spiritual ego". This as well as a few other traps I've unfortunately took a head dive into in the past, and which I feel is one of the main hold backs or lessons I’m still dealing with.

The following is a statement made by the methods "revealer" as it stresses that this method is for dealing with the ego in the egos world, which is why I feel it could be more beneficial for some rather than all here. Having not yet been given notice of right to contract with the SA(still learning all the material) I have no idea how it will be at that point. Those who have can obviously check this out. As a side note though, for those familiar with “muscle testing” this makes you stay strong when tested.

"When we begin the Self-initiated trial between the Self and the feeling enemies(ego) which seek to dethrone us, all latent tendencies are intensified and brought up for releasing/mastering. We must be willing to subjugate everything to the goal of Freedom. This is the first step; this must be so."

Hope this helps.

[Gooseone]

Hmmm , i would swear Roage his site is all about "removing anoying headpests"

I have much experience conciously fighting msyelf , and making great progress at it ....it still was a fight.

[Seamus]

*hi5* goose

[permie1]

Thanks Guys, you have really helped a lot there...I understand!

The whole problem is within me, my inability to just say no and come from my true self and speak my truth is what is feeding the ego to allow situations such as this to arise. By trying to please others at my expense I am in fact creating a victim of my true self which is resulting in the down feeling afterwards. This is holding me back!

By speaking my truth and not participating in anything that results in feeding the ego and restriction the true self and feelings...I will be able to move forward!

Its funny...after I read your posts I sort of went "Aye, I knew that" So why the heck did it take reading it to realise it hmm

Could be I am not putting enough trust in my true self and Ø

Thank you for this....I have my answer clearly now

You had the answer all along . You just needed a little reminder but here's a refresher to your question

So why the heck did it take reading it to realise it hmm

http://www.roage.com/default.aspx?PageID=182

and on a totally different topic I can't stay on you site for more than 5 minutes before my laptop freezes. Any idea?