roage.free-forum.net

[player1]

I've been a seeker for so long, longer than I can remember. I've tried to find a home in religion, every kind I could access really and even in the occult, etc...nothing felt "real". Since I was a kid I've had "out of body" experiences that were brief, but which cemented in my mind from an early age that things are not so solid and "explained" as "they" would have me believe.

Fast foward to adulthood....the last four or five years I've spent buried in undoing the programming that has made up my perception of reality....everything fell away and I could see that there was no truth and only traps in most entertainment, news, religion, etc...but there was still something missing. I could see the lies, but still not The Truth.

I''ve spent the last few months on the David Icke forum, only lurking (almost constantly), never registering....and found Roages thread there a few days ago.

The last few days of immersing myself in his materials and website have absolutely knocked me to my knees. I'm so at peace and torn to bits all at once. I finally have felt a click. I am no longer obsessed, as I have been every day for years, with checking into the "gloom and doom" sites to read all about what the liars "in charge" are doing now....I have completely shed the fearful obsession I have lived with about what horror is to come and all of that...I knew that the fear was not productive and I've long believed that I am here to learn....I feel as though this information has been in me, at the tip of my tongue...but so far away...and now, I feel the Truth so close to me, it's like I'm made of it. I feel peace and pain all at the same time...I feel guilt and freedom all at once. I want to cry out in desperation and beg for sovereignty...which obviously is not necessary and is not the way....I just feel crazy in my desire to move beyond this phase I'm in....is it always hard for everyone in the first days/weeks/etc of accessing this information? I feel absolutely....just, everything. At once. I don't know how to say it.

I don't know what I'm really trying to say here...I'm just posting because my head hurts so bad, soo soo badly..I can hardly stand the pain and pressure in my head. I've spent this entire day studying Real Law and the Rules of being a Sovereign so that I can become (again) a sovereign being and my head and heart are exploding to the point where I feel an actual physical pain in me. I can sense within myself a sort of voice saying "cool it kid, it's okay, calm down and take this at a reasonable pace" - but then I feel a burning desire to just scream through this....that desire to cram this all into my head feels almost beyond my control.

I think I'm going to break for today and go out into my woods and just breathe and relax....but before I do that, can someone answer these questions? I know the answers to them, but it's like I can't access the information right now because my *everything* is so swamped in weird pain and pressure...there is a horrible, hard lump in my throat, like I need to cry or something...I'm trying to be open and let flow what needs to, but I feel really weird.

Anyway, hearing answers will comfort me, I think...

1. Is it normal to ask ((0)) to grant sovereignty, thinking you really are ready, when you are really not truly prepared?

2. Did starting (TRULY starting, not just being a "seeker" but truly seeking on THIS path "consciously") make you feel like you were coming unglued in the best and worst possible ways all at once?

3. What was the hardest part of this process for you?

4. How hard did you study The Law? Did you memorize it, or did you merely attempt to internalize it using a non-written, non-rote, non-"left brain" as possible process?

Thank you. Man, I think I need a nap! I keep laughing in my head...and then feeling like crying. I feel like I can hardly breathe right now.

[player1]

My only other question:

I know I must trust completely...and I keep telling myself that I do, that I trust everything to unfold as it should, as it only can unfold that way....but I think my ego is kicking my butt or something, because the FEELING of trust must not be there if I feel the way I do, right?

[roage]

First welcome; second good for you!

1. Is it normal to ask ((0)) to grant sovereignty, thinking you really are ready, when you are really not truly prepared?

Does not matter. It will only come at the perfect time. Relax. You can ask and go through the process but ultimately the timing operates out of our will.

2. Did starting (TRULY starting, not just being a "seeker" but truly seeking on THIS path "consciously") make you feel like you were coming unglued in the best and worst possible ways all at once?

If it were not profoundly transforming you would not KNOW you were going through it. This is part of the notification process. "Realizing the Truth" is the process of, not gaining information, but to make a being that has been patiently watching and waiting as real as those standing next to you. You are being modified so you can perceive this being. That is uncomfortable. Piercing the veil of deception is a welcomed by-product of this process. Initially you may perceive this being as being external to you. As you move from left-brain to right brain dominance. You will see that we are all one being concealing the fact from itself that it is many. There are physical modifications taking place and those can be uncomfortable. They occur at a rate that you can just handle but not more. Cry. It helps and is an indicator of a break-through.

You might read the journal entry on the website called Rush of Thought. It may help you deal with the flow of information. It may not be available. Click Log in and register.

3. What was the hardest part of this process for you?

Explaining what was happening to me to others. Skip it, most cannot even come close to understanding.

The process of trust building is a continual process of pushing you past your breaking point. Here is a little advice. Just give in as Ø will drag you through and you will not be able to stop it or fight it. You are in the pipeline and eventually you will get through. Rough or easy you are going so you might as well prepare yourself. This is your Armageddon. The great war and the great revealing (Apocalypse) is not what occurs outside but what occurs within and you will go through hell to get to heaven. You will laugh at your stubbornness but that is just one thing that makes it worth the effort as it is really fun when you get there. Just know the Ego does not just go quietly. The Self must kick the crap out of it. While it is getting beaten up many think it is them going through it. Try to create that emotional separation between the real you and this shell persona getting pummeled by every thing and everyone around them. It is one of the skills you will learn. One way or another.

4. How hard did you study The Law? Did you memorize it, or did you merely attempt to internalize it using a non-written, non-rote, non-"left brain" as possible process?

The law will be implanted in you and will simply come when it is ready. You need not force it. When it is time you will suck the law from the site and the world around you at an astounding rate. Not only that you will enjoy receiving it. It becomes like an instinctual process. You cannot learn what you already know. It is merely the process of it being moved from the unconscious to the conscious. Not your responsibility (ego hanging on)

We have been fooled into thinking that this is hard work. It is not. The process is a little hard sometimes as we are stubborn and letting go of bad perceptual habits takes practice. Do not beat yourself up and try not to become too frustrated. You cannot "blow this".

The best thing you can do is know that every little thing is a symbol and everything is now working to pas information to you. Try to pay attention to it at all times. You will find that you will not be able to speak as casually as you did before. That is normal as words have meaning and consequences. To be free of that take control place on what you say.

Oh and that voice in your head. Listen to it. You will find it was always right. Even when it was wrong. That concept is hard to describe using left-brain language but I think you can divine the meaning.

Hang on you are in for a trippy and wild ride but you one thing that can be said is that you will not be bored of it.

Cheers
Roage

[player1]

Thank you SO much for spending your time answering my questions!

"You will find that you will not be able to speak as casually as you did before"

Wow, how awesome to hear you say this....I can't tell you how hard that truth is resonating with me. It's like I have some new filter. My words just seem so much more important. I haven't told a lie since yesterday and believe me, that's saying something. I have been such a liar for so long now....and not malicious stuff, really small and unimportant things - which maybe is even worse. I've been in a bad pattern of lying about my feelings and my experience for a long time now and I think I'm beginning to realize that it has been a self esteem issue, you know? Embelishing a story about my day to my husband to make him more interested in what I'm saying...telling him I am having a good day when I'm not. Just really weird things, but it's definitely become a habit. I know he does it too...is this normal? I have also noticed that a lot of my lying was laziness, not wanting to be held accountable for something and so just lying...again, really really stupid stuff like - husband: "Hey sweetie, did you remember to water the blueberry bushes?" - me: (in my head: Oh crap, I forgot, he's going to give me such a hard time if he knows I forgot because I always forget) "Yeah honey, they're fine" - what IS that? That's not even who I am!!

In any case, I'm finding such a happy feeling just being honest. It's been less than 24 hours, but it already feels easy. What is the use of lying to myself? Which is really all I'm doing if I lie to anyone. I have beautiful crystals which hang from the window in my loft upstairs and when the sun hits them, it splashes beautiful flecks of rainbow all over the house. I was looking at the flecks of rainbow yesterday and just grinning....all of us, are these flecks of rainbow, shining out from the same splendid crystal, splashed across the universe.. divine will and beautiful grace, refracting lights of love and joyful purpose. *sigh* Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?

My husband knows that I've been questing for spiritual self for a long time and I've kept an ongoing dialogue with him as I've journeyed and grown...I think he knows this feels different because I told him (joyfully) that I didn't really want to talk about it! He and I are very close and there is nothing that I could say to him that would make him laugh at me, I'm very safe here with sharing these types of things...I mean heck, he stuck with me and was very considerate through my "oh my gosh, I think maybe the moon IS a spaceship filled with retilians!" phase....hee hee. But it is very difficult for me to not have him going through this with me...not for myself, but for HIM...I want him to know this, to REMEMBER this....but he is too stuck in his ego for me to try and press it upon him. He is such a self loather sometimes, he thinks that people are inherently bad and that life just kind of sucks. He is this beautiful, artistic, sensitive guy....and he knows that so much of the world's nonsense is just that, nonsense...politics, media/TV, the "education" system...he knows it's all just distraction and fiddle faddle, but that's where it stops for him. He looks at the world and doesn't think about the WHY, what's below the surface...he just stews on how stupid and horrid it all is. I see the world and think "hhhhmmmm, now what juicy wonderful-ness is lying under the surface of this facade?" and I find peace in the questions. I wish he could seek like that too. I will leave the information around, I will give him access, but I know I can't make him know this, I can't make it resonate if he's not ready. That really hurts, you know? I want freedom for him. How does it work, when one spouse is sovereign and the other is not?


Oh Roage. I've been reading your words (out loud!) for a few days and I can't tell you how happy I am that this path has finally found me...I've been looking so damn hard. What I am enjoying the most, is that the concepts being presented do not replace my current "belief system" - they only expand upon what I've already been trying to live and make it easier to do so. It only filled in the blanks. The peace I feel is amazing. I'm really loving the guilt that has melted away from me. I was born in a strong healthy body, with pretty good looks and have a good husband, gorgeous awesome kids....I don't live where there is war (yet?) and I have never gone hungry. Before I began investigating the information on your site, I felt such guilt. How come I have enough to feed my babies and have a warm dry home to live in? I mean, I'm by NO means monetarily rich, don't have the desire to be either, but how come I live like a KING as compared to many many people in the world? I would always ask myself this....feel guilty that my kids have nothing but good food, beautiful woods to play in and soft warm places the sleep at night, while so many mothers have no food for their starving babies and no clean water. When you take "luck" out of the equation and see the purpose behind the experience....WOW. The guilt is just gone. My compassion is definitely not, my will to help and be a part of a solution in the world, even if it's only in being mindful of how I use my resources, is still intact....but I don't feel that oppressive guilt at being born "lucky" and feel like I can focus on my own work, my OWN struggle.

Yesterday after I wrote what I did, I went out to the lake behind my house with my husband and kids and while he fished from our dock and watched the babies, I swam out to the middle of the lake and just looked up at the beautiful sky. I was so thankful for this beautiful simulation and I talked to { }/myself out loud about all of this, how I'm feeling, how happy I am, etc....and my head stopped hurting and I felt unbelievable peace and security. I swam and swam for EVER it seemed, so happy. Looking around at the water, the forest around me...the wood thrush was singing a beautiful song. It was good. It slowed me down enough to realize that I don't yet know my purpose, my work, for this lifetime....I've got nothing but time and the inclination to be close to myself again. So, I can wait for as long as that takes....in the meantime, what a PROCESS!

This morning, in the peace of this wonderful day, I feel thankful and strong. But mainly I feel excited, where oh where will this journey leaddddd! WOOHOOO!

[roage]

Impressive. I do not have the time to respond the way I would like at this time. I will respond soon. I will say that the effect on you will effect everyone you come in contact including your husband and it will be fun watching it unfold. Your description is accurate and well written. It is an inspiration to those on the forum and those yet to find it. It makes me so happy that people are finding their way. Your transformation will affect everything and it will improve much and draw others in.

It seems to me that you are really beginning to love this game!

Cheers
Roage

[permie1]

Impressive. I do not have the time to respond the way I would like at this time. I will respond soon. I will say that the effect on you will effect everyone you come in contact including your husband and it will be fun watching it unfold. Your description is accurate and well written. It is an inspiration to those on the forum and those yet to find it. It makes me so happy that people are finding their way. Your transformation will affect everything and it will improve much and draw others in.

It seems to me that you are really beginning to love this game!

Cheers
Roage

I concur with Roage. The changes you will experience will spill over to the people around you and the effects will be profound Oh and Welcome to the forum. Great Post

[Seamus]

So, Player1, how has it been going?

i've been away from the forum for the better part of 2 months. i've just been enjoying life and playing. play, play, play... as Karl says. (the beautiful speech on love in the pertinent media section)

so anyways ... yeah.

[roage]

So, Player1, how has it been going?

i've been away from the forum for the better part of 2 months. i've just been enjoying life and playing. play, play, play... as Karl says. (the beautiful speech on love in the pertinent media section)

so anyways ... yeah.

I'm thinking we are going to get the "what I did this summer" stories coming in. It will be nice to check in and see what the folks are up to.

[particlepopin]

Wonderful post player1, its great to find folk realizing the game and laughing out loud when they do, i like seamus have been away, occasionally 'popping in' (excuse the pun) to see whats goin on, it seems ones have arrived back in time to ride the crest of a wave.

[roage]

Wonderful post player1, its great to find folk realizing the game and laughing out loud when they do, i like seamus have been away, occasionally 'popping in' (excuse the pun) to see whats goin on, it seems ones have arrived back in time to ride the crest of a wave.

Hey! Welcome back. So what have you been untangling of late?